Wednesday, March 11, 2009

latenight, drunken post, sure to be deleted

It's curious to me that dreams can so effect our lives. Today I was heading to lunch (early breakfast for me) with the roommate at our favorite spot. He was describing to me that he had a very disturbing dream last night ( I can attest, he wasn't exaggerating, it was fucked up). I thought, did I have a dream last night? As I recounted, I did. And it proceeded to fuck my day up. BTW, my roommate's dream consisted of a Dr. taking blood from his nose with a huge ass needle and he pulling it out. WOW.
In my dream, I dreamt about the EX. Goddammit. The Ex. To preface the ex, it goes something like this. We dated for a long time. Circa 2.05 - 1.08 Almost 3 years. We broke up once, but it was temporary. The first 6 months were close distance (30minutes away), the rest was long distance (5hrs away). We had a great relationship, one that I wouldn't trade anything for. Why it didn't work out? That's anyone's guess. She wanted to settle down, I always felt insecure about the $$$, the timing, the anything. I guess I was noncommittal in that way. I loved her, I guess I always will. On her engagement website (yeah that's right) it says that her first date with her beau was 12.14.07, proposed to on 3.15.08. You do that math.
As hurt as I was (and apparently still am) it made sense in my mind. Local guy, financially secure, nice guy, what's not to like. In the end, she wanted to get engaged, no matter who, only soon. I know it seems so long ago that I should get over it, it seems silly looking at the date now, and I thought I was. It seemed as if I was content to be single for the time being. I mean I've had dates and hookups since, but nothing seemed to stick.
So anyway, back to the dream. I was in a house with a girl, content. Everytime I look out the window, she's leaning against a tree looking at me. First I go out and talk to her and go back inside. Later I look out, still there. I just breakdown crying. I go out pleading for her to leave, and to no avail. She stays. The girl leaves later and I go out again. Things get more heated (verbally speaking) and then more physical (emotionally speaking). That is all I remember. I remember this in the car on the way to lunch and my demeanor on the day totally changes. I cannot get this dream out of my head, and it had previously not been there at all. I don't know what this means and I guess it doesn't matter. The only thing that does matter is I need to put this behind me for good. It's over and done with. But for some reason it sticks with me. Thanks to the Ex for getting me out of the funk of not posting I guess. I don't know. With everything else being so fucking out of whack, it's really the last thing I need. 
No happy ending, no funny quip...just bewilderment.

1 comment:

josh said...

i'll be there soon to give you a big hug...