blog shmog and moving

So, no point in any excuses other than to recognize that I haven't blogged for an eternity (4months). While, I feel bad for Lost Soul , as she tells me to "blog you lazy ass", I know no one else is reading this rambling shit.

Anyway, times, they are a changin' as Dylan once sang and Eddie Vedder covered. Took a job waaaay far away from where I have spent my last 4 years. In face, its waaaay far away from everyone I know, and farther than I've ever gone before (no smart-ass Star Trek references nerds!). Mixed bag of emotions here.

Excited:

new job, new opportunity, exactly what I wanted in terms of responsibility, nice weather.

Nervous:

far away from home, not that I'm close now or that the fam or friends visit alot, just nice to know if things go to shit totally or I'm going to lose it, it's within driving distance; money isn't exactly what I would feel comfortable with, Finding an apartment without standing in it or driving up to it makes me extremely uncomfortable.

Sad: as much as I hate this shit hole of a town, I like the kids that I work with and they seem to like me. They are going to be as sad as I am, and they will display said sadness, which in turn will make me feel worse. Already started to happen.

Disloyal: This job gave me my start and the powers that be are happy for me getting this opportunity, but it's kinda leaving them high and dry. Plus, took another job that hasn't started yet with kids that I have worked with in the past and they know it. Now, I have to resign that position.

In the end: had to do it. As much trepidation as I may have, if this is really what I want to do with my life, I have to make some moves. The roommate has moved on, with new girlfriend in tow, Lost Soul has moved to sunny Fargo, North Dakota, and the company I am with has seen better days financially.

With the tight timeline I'm on to move, I find that I do not much of anything except sit up all night and think about things, then sleep late and not do much. Is it weird to worry that your parents are going to get old while you are away? Or that not being home for Christmas is being a bad son? Maybe I saddle more obligation to others on myself than is healthy or "average"; maybe that's the nature of my profession. How can you relate and communicate to others if you don't share empathy and a sense of respect and responsibility to one another? Or maybe I'm losing my mind and everyone is going to be fine and move on with life with or without me so I better get mine while the getting is good. In a weird way I wish that were true, but get sad thinking, "what if it is true?"

Child Abuse

Letting your kids get away with anything should be grounds for removal. If your kid is eleven years old, you should not buy them coffee. PERIOD. I don't give a shit if they think it's cool and all their friends drink it and it's what all the hipster little 11 yr olds do. Especially if this child is a hyperactive chatterbox to begin with. Caffeine is bad for people, especially children (see this is how I justify imbibing copious amounts of the stuff: by being over 18). Let them get their jumpstart on addiction the all-American way: Second-hand smoke, McDonald's and Coca-Cola.

Also, if your kid is considered morbidly obese by the general guidelines the health and food administration sets in the United States, you should be charged with attempted murder and child abuse and neglect. You are ruining a life and sending them to an early grave. Who's to say that kid isn't' going to become so fucked up from the ridicule and self-loathing over the next 15 years of his/her life that they don't "Go Postal" themselves.

You parents have already managed to fuck up the planet, the market, the government, heathcare, social security, the gene pool, and rock music: Pink Floyd said it and I expound on it, "Leave those kids (the fuck) alone!!"

insomnia

I haven't slept since Saturday night. I haven't slept since Saturday night. I haven't slept since Saturday night. I haven't slept since Saturday night. I haven't slept since Saturday night. I haven't slept since Saturday night. I haven't slept since Saturday night.

I'm Just Wonderin'

What do I smell like to a dog?

After you get done laughing or thinking, "this guy is fucked up", consider it.

Big Willy (my boss/drinking buddy) has a boxer, Elwood. Elwood is with us alot. In the car, at the house, just generally around alot. He's a good dog, very friendly and loves loves loves any and all food you might have or have had and remnants still linger on your fingers or in your immediate vicinity. He is ornery though, and absolutely craves and sometimes demands attention. He can smell a person coming from pretty far away. We know that dog's have an extremely sense of smell, I'm just wondering if it smells the same as we smell it, just amplified, or do things smell different when you can notice any and all nuances of something. Kinda like TV in HD. It's the same, but very different.

I'm just wonderin'.

I'm Just Wonderin... (usually on thursday, but not this week)

In honor (or just straightup copyright enfringement) of one of my favorite people, I give to you, "I'm just wondering Thursdays.

Every Thursday (or Friday), I will simply put my latest wandering thought of the week.

This week:

Why is fish not considered meat?

Meat is animals.. fish is an animal.

Meat isn't exclusive to land, because birds are considered meat, but water animals.... oh no my friend, not meat, that's just fish.

As my favorite Wednesday night chef so aptly put it, "it probably has something to do with the church striking up a deal with fish mongers when they started lent"

Probably dead on. Just another example of the Catholic church fucking with everyone's sensibilities.

hey pope, hey pope, your hat looks dumb.

latenight, drunken post, sure to be deleted

It's curious to me that dreams can so effect our lives. Today I was heading to lunch (early breakfast for me) with the roommate at our favorite spot. He was describing to me that he had a very disturbing dream last night ( I can attest, he wasn't exaggerating, it was fucked up). I thought, did I have a dream last night? As I recounted, I did. And it proceeded to fuck my day up. BTW, my roommate's dream consisted of a Dr. taking blood from his nose with a huge ass needle and he pulling it out. WOW.

In my dream, I dreamt about the EX. Goddammit. The Ex. To preface the ex, it goes something like this. We dated for a long time. Circa 2.05 - 1.08 Almost 3 years. We broke up once, but it was temporary. The first 6 months were close distance (30minutes away), the rest was long distance (5hrs away). We had a great relationship, one that I wouldn't trade anything for. Why it didn't work out? That's anyone's guess. She wanted to settle down, I always felt insecure about the $$$, the timing, the anything. I guess I was noncommittal in that way. I loved her, I guess I always will. On her engagement website (yeah that's right) it says that her first date with her beau was 12.14.07, proposed to on 3.15.08. You do that math.

As hurt as I was (and apparently still am) it made sense in my mind. Local guy, financially secure, nice guy, what's not to like. In the end, she wanted to get engaged, no matter who, only soon. I know it seems so long ago that I should get over it, it seems silly looking at the date now, and I thought I was. It seemed as if I was content to be single for the time being. I mean I've had dates and hookups since, but nothing seemed to stick.

So anyway, back to the dream. I was in a house with a girl, content. Everytime I look out the window, she's leaning against a tree looking at me. First I go out and talk to her and go back inside. Later I look out, still there. I just breakdown crying. I go out pleading for her to leave, and to no avail. She stays. The girl leaves later and I go out again. Things get more heated (verbally speaking) and then more physical (emotionally speaking). That is all I remember. I remember this in the car on the way to lunch and my demeanor on the day totally changes. I cannot get this dream out of my head, and it had previously not been there at all. I don't know what this means and I guess it doesn't matter. The only thing that does matter is I need to put this behind me for good. It's over and done with. But for some reason it sticks with me. Thanks to the Ex for getting me out of the funk of not posting I guess. I don't know. With everything else being so fucking out of whack, it's really the last thing I need. 

No happy ending, no funny quip...just bewilderment.

Coach wins big, gets fired

So this one time, a coach won his basketball game by 100 points; then he got fired. In fact, he won by a final score of 100-0. It bears repeating, he won a basketball game by 100 points. The coach of the winning private Christian school, The Covenant, Micah Grimes did not agree with the schools stance that it was embarrassed by the lopsided win. He was then fired. It seems that he was not fired for the victory, but for his descent of toeing the line.

In the words of Herm Edwards, "you play to win the games." Now I've heard that the box score showed that Covenent only scored 12 points in the fourth quarter, so it seems that when they were ahead 59-0 at the half, they took their foot off the gas.

The most important blame that is not being discussed here is who the hell scheduled this game? The athletic directors of these two schools should have never let this happen. The losing school only boasts 28 females students total, with 8 of those on the basketball team. They should obviously never be playing a team of this caliber. Who's to blame here? The coach that did his job to the best of his ability, the players who did what players do and score, the players who can't score one freaking point, or the AD's that are so oblivious to their athletes abilities that let this "contest" take place? You be the judge.