Child Abuse

Letting your kids get away with anything should be grounds for removal. If your kid is eleven years old, you should not buy them coffee. PERIOD. I don't give a shit if they think it's cool and all their friends drink it and it's what all the hipster little 11 yr olds do. Especially if this child is a hyperactive chatterbox to begin with. Caffeine is bad for people, especially children (see this is how I justify imbibing copious amounts of the stuff: by being over 18). Let them get their jumpstart on addiction the all-American way: Second-hand smoke, McDonald's and Coca-Cola.

Also, if your kid is considered morbidly obese by the general guidelines the health and food administration sets in the United States, you should be charged with attempted murder and child abuse and neglect. You are ruining a life and sending them to an early grave. Who's to say that kid isn't' going to become so fucked up from the ridicule and self-loathing over the next 15 years of his/her life that they don't "Go Postal" themselves.

You parents have already managed to fuck up the planet, the market, the government, heathcare, social security, the gene pool, and rock music: Pink Floyd said it and I expound on it, "Leave those kids (the fuck) alone!!"